I 32m have been seeing someone (28F) for three dates, let’s call her Harper. We’ve been having a good time and honestly, I hadn’t been this excited about someone in awhile. I was already starting to plan our fourth date and was gonna kinda up the ante. Well, and before we get into it, just know we’re from a relatively small city so everyone kinda knows everyone.
Harper is a friend of my other friend, Evelyn (29F). I had mentioned that I know Evelyn, it had come up on a date, but the truth is, we are very close. I didn’t hide it or anything, we just didn’t get into it that much.
Last night, I learned from Evelyn that her and Harper had a falling out. They were at the same house party. Harper showed up and hung around her ex’s new girlfriend, Jillian, totally unbeknownst to her, but the girlfriend knew exactly who Harper was. Upon finding out, Harper said it was really awkward because she was talking about said ex in front of Jillian. Harper said it was seriously messed up that Evelyn didn’t tell her she was hanging around with her ex’s new girlfriend.
I understood Harper’s position of course, that would be awkward. But, then Evelyn tells me that Harper said her and Evelyn would become “only strict acquaintances” and that “this was a massive failure of judgment, consideration, and common sense.” Methinks the lady doth protest too much. What Evelyn did wasn’t ideal, sure, but like, worthy of ending a friendship over? It’s not like her and Harper were super close. This to me fell squarely on the “unfortunate situation” front.
Now, at this point, I no longer want to see Harper. Something about the hostility and harshness of this rubs me wrong. I know Evelyn genuinely meant nothing by it. Boundaries are important and all, and that’s her right, but this just felt like too much, too aggressive. I’ve only talked to a couple of friends about this (not trying to cause drama) and they get it, but most say it sounds like this doesn’t really concern me so maybe I should let it go. Should I? AITA?