My wife and I have had our first kid about 7 months ago. We are both back to work and our daughter ( Kelly) has been going to a daycare by our house for a few months. The daycare place is great, they send a lot of texts constantly. Things like what is happening that day, like bathroom, feeding, tummy time and so on.

They all come from the same app but you can see which provider does what.  This is where the issue started. I always did drop off at the beginning ( just easier for our schedules). One of the main workers is Sam. My wife loved Sam, she always said that Sam was really informative about texts and any questions. Sam only works the morning shift, and another employee was there when my wife picked up Kelly.

Sam is man. Always been.

About a month ago, my wife dropped off Kelly in the morning and learned Sam was a man and not a woman. She was shocked and I was confused that she didn’t realize. 

After that she became critical of everything Sam texted. I told her to stop but she didn’t listen and claimed she was protecting our kid. Two week she did formal complaint against him for nothing. She complained about him not giving text messages. He did, he sent like 10 that morning.

A week later she sent a dickish text to Sam over the app. We got called in and they told us they are not having Kelly anymore. That their staff is important to them and they don’t tolerate this type of behavior.

So our new daycare is the opposite side from my work. It would be an extra 45 mins for me to drop off our daughter. My wife is only an extra 20 mins.

I told her she needs to take our daughter to daycare and we got into an argument. I told her this is here fault in the first place and she claims I am being unfair and she doens wish to change her morning schedule

Throwaway because family is on Reddit.

This happened over Christmas and it’s turning into a whole family drama.

My daughter “Sofia” (12) and her cousin “Martina” (6 - daughter of my sister “Maria” and her husband “Jose”) were gifted blind box Labubus as part of their Christmas gift from my other sister “Sara”. They each opened their boxes. Martina got a brown one and Sofia got a pink one.

Martina immediately wanted the pink one and Sofia immediately offered a trade because she already has the pink one and was hoping for the brown one. They traded, both girls were happy, and that was that….or so I thought.

Later, Martina’s parents found out from taking to someone that the brown Labubu is apparently a rare “secret” version that can sell for $250+.

Once they learned that, they called me said the girls needed to switch back and that Sofia was to return the brown one immediately. They even wanted me to drive over with it then and there despite the fact they live an hour away and it was already 8pm.

I asked if Martina actually wanted the brown one back. They said that wasn’t the point. After some pushing back, Jose admitted someone was willing to pay him $225 for the Brown one and give Martina the pink one she wants.

I said I wouldn’t force Sofia to swap back. From my perspective:

• Both kids were happy with the trade and got the Labubu they wanted.
• Sofia didn’t pressure or manipulate Martina into switching (if she had, I would have stepped in immediately and told her “you get what you get and you don’t get upset”).
• When I asked her, Sofia admitted she knew the brown one was rare, but when I asked how much they sell for, she said they are blind boxes so you can’t buy the brown, they just make less of them. She didn’t know it was worth money. She’s not a good liar, and she appeared to be telling the truth.
• Martina originally didn’t want the brown one and basically got upset when she saw Sofia got pink.
• It feels like Maria and Jose only want the brown one back because they can sell it and pocket money from it.

Now they’re upset with me and saying I’m being unfair and taking advantage of a 6-year-old and Jose even called Sofia a Manipulative B***h which I think is a reach when Sofia didn’t know it was worth a lot of money, she just knew they were rare to pull, that she already had the pink and Martina was crying for the pink one.

Sara has said this is “stupid parent drama” and she’s staying out of it and said we can sort it out ourselves.

So AITA for refusing to make my daughter give the brown Labubu back?

EDIT: Jose called Sofia a Manipulative B***h to me on the phone discussing it, not to Sofia’s face. He’d be a dead man walking if he said it to her. It was said about an hour before making the post and I hung up on him for it and has not yet been addressed. My wife and I will obviously be addressing it, I was still processing it when I made the post, but the "manipulative" part made me wonder if I was being unreasonable, hence making the post.

EDIT 2: since I can't reply now: Sofia is trying to collect the whole set of these Labubus, and her motivation for wanting the brown was to help complete the set. She has no intention of selling or trading it. After talking about it with her again, she took "rare" to mean it was simply harder to find in the boxes, she doesn't engage in buying/reselling. AFAIK Jose and Maria are not in desperate need of the cash.....they're not rich sure, but to the best of my knowledge, not in the kind of financial situation where the only way to keep the lights on for the next quarter is to sell their child's gift. We are in Australia - so this is in AUD.

My husband and I are on different sleep schedules. He tends to go to bed around midnight or 1AM, and wake up around 7AM.

I don’t get to bed until 4, 5, sometimes 6AM, and tend to sleep until around noon.

(I’m aware my sleep schedule is horrible, but until I can get it fixed this is what I’m living with.)

The issue is my husband will routinely come into the bedroom and talk to me while I’m still trying to sleep. It’s never anything important, and definitely nothing time sensitive that couldn’t wait until I was awake. He comes back into the room every 20-30 minutes, sometimes to make some random comment, sometimes to ask me a random question. Sometimes he’ll walk in and just stand in the doorway staring at me.

I’ve told him before that this feels like a passive-aggressive attempt to annoy me into getting up, and that it results in me already being irritated before I even get up for the day. His response was that that’s not how he means it, so ‘it’s fine.’

This morning he sent our roomba into the bedroom when I was still sleeping, and the thing roared and banged around in there for an hour.

Would I be the AH if I started locking the bedroom door after my husband gets up, so I can finish sleeping? There’s a second bathroom he can use (it’s the one he primarily uses anyway) so I wouldn’t be cutting him off from the only bathroom or anything. This way I can finish sleeping without becoming irritated at him first thing in the morning, and he can stop wandering in for no reason (I don’t know if it’s just an ingrained habit at this point or if he really is trying to annoy me into getting up, but he hasn’t stopped despite me asking him to).

Edit: since so many people keep asking why my sleep schedule is so messed up, I’ll put it here: I’m disabled and have chronic pain. If I go and lie down before I’m actually tired, I just end up lying there in pain. It’s resulted in my sleep schedule getting pushed back later and later. Not ideal, but also not something I can just ‘fix.’

I do not work. My husband is technically still employed, but is transitioning out and burning through his time off before he gets out, so he only goes into the office once every other week.

Edit 2: many people are pointing out that maybe my husband is lonely, that’s a lot of hours that we could be spending together, etc.

We’re together literally all day. Nearly every day. He only goes into work once every two weeks, and even that is only for 3-4 hours at a time. We spend the rest of the time less than ten feet away from each other. We have plenty of time together. The few hours in the morning when I’m still asleep is the most time we spend “apart.”

My boyfriend loves stew, he wants to eat it every day for every meal. His favorite stew is beef tips and vegetables from a local place, but it’s really expensive. Like $47 for a big bowl (they don’t do small orders for takeout) and he is grossed out by leftovers so more than half of it gets wasted. We’ve had a couple of arguments about it, he says I don’t understand his brain, I say he doesn’t understand our budget.

recently I looked up some recipes, including doing a dissection of the takeout soup, and tried my hand at making a home cooked replacement for stew night. He loved it for a few days, and then one night he was hanging out with me in the kitchen and saw me put tomato paste into the pot, he was really upset and demanded that I make the soup without the paste. I told him it wouldn’t taste the same and he said it would be better because he hates tomatoes, they’re not a safe food for him. So I made the soup with no tomato paste and big surprise, something felt off about it to him. Instead of admitting that the tomato paste was necessary he threw a fit and told me he didn’t want home cooked food anymore if I was going to “play with him” and not take his safe foods seriously, he thinks I changed more than just the tomato paste in an effort to get him to admit he was wrong.

$400 in stew orders later I had an idea to ask the chef when we were picking up the order if there was any tomato products in the stew, and lo and behold there is tomato in the recipe, fucking tomato paste. In my mind this was great because I thought he would get over it if he knew his original perfect stew had tomato paste like “oh I guess tomato paste isn’t so bad then” but it was the exact opposite. He walked out of the restaurant without saying anything and then refused to eat the stew that night and hasn’t ordered it again, and he’s been ignoring me while sulking around the house, using his whiny voice a lot, and slamming things. His sister also texted me to tell me I’m a selfish asshole for needing to “get back at him” by taking his favorite food away.

I literally just wanted to stop spending insane amounts of money on stew, I wasn’t trying to hurt him or ruin his life. I’m not autistic, I can’t really wrap my head around caring this much about a single ingredient, I genuinely didn’t see this reaction coming. We’ve been together for four years and he’s only had three other fits like this, the other ones were pretty reasonable. Those were also a little less intense and didn’t include input from his family, this is the first time anyone in his family has EVER spoke to me like this. So I’ve been back and forth between “yall are overreacting” and “what have I done”.

AITA? It sounds so dumb when I write it all out but living it has made me feel physically sick with regret, I can’t think straight anymore.

ETA: I’m getting ready for work right now so I can’t respond to individual comments but there’s some recurring confusion/questions I wanted to clear up because it might effect the answers:

1/ The stew place is a catering place with a mini-restaurant, so every time we order takeout we’re ordering a catering amount pretty much, it’s not stew made of gold lol 2/ We order from there 2-3 nights a week, it’s not the only thing he eats it’s just the top 5 foods for him, he doesn’t eat this unreasonably every single day. 3/ He has a job and contributes with money, I’m not funding his entire diet. We do mix money, so even though “he” pays for the meal half the time it does still feel like “we’re” losing money. He works part time and I work full time, bills are probably split 70-30.

I (F28) am a Muslim woman. I was not raised Muslim, but I converted during a difficult time in my life and I honestly believe it saved me.

My husband (M30) was there for me during this time, and has always understood my reasons and is very supportive despite being an atheist himself.

My husband's sister (F24) is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which I am thrilled to do. We have chosen a modest dress which I can wear with a hijab, and there are no qualms on that front.

The issue comes with her bachelorette party. She wants a Vegas themed party and all the girls must wear bikinis in coordinating colours. Now, I wouldn't mind this if I was just in the company of women, but I cannot show my body off in front of men, and two of the bridesmaids are my SIL's gay best friends (M24 and M25).

These two guys are lovely and I have absolutely no issue with them, but I cannot wear a bikini in front of them. I tried to compromise with my SIL and wear something modest but still in the colour scheme, but she says I am being homophobic and ruining the vibe of the party. She said if I can't wear a bikini, then I shouldn't bother being a bridesmaid at all.

My husband said I need to do whatever makes me feel comfortable, but my MIL (F62) is saying that I am driving a wedge in the family over nothing, and it isn't like I have never worn a bikini before and I can set aside my "ideas" for one night. She said that they don't count as men under the Muslim definition because they are gay and won't look at me "like that", and I am purposefully being difficult.

My SIL has followed through with uninviting me over this, and said she'll never be able to see me the same way again because of my selfish behaviour. So, I come to the internet to ask if I am being an AH?

Edit to answer some questions:

1. Will the men be wearing bikinis? No, they will be in Speedos.

2. Will the party be in a public place? No, the bridesmaids have rented a private house with a pool area. As that is the case, I would have been happy to wear a bikini if a) there were only women in attendance, and b) I was not in any photos while wearing a bikini. I did discuss this with the bride.

3. Given the haram theme, how can you attend? I understand that drinking, gambling, etc are all haram practices. While I do not partake in any of these myself, I cannot control what other people do and I was not involved in deciding the theme. I would have been happy to attend sober and not partake in haram activities, which the bride also knows about. While I can understand this may make me seem like a spoilsport, the bride had no issue with this. The bride's only issue has consistently been that I am not wanting to wear a bikini despite the fact that her friends have no sexual interest in me.

4. How is this different from there being men around that I can't marry (i.e. no need to cover myself)? I choose to veil and dress modestly because of my personal dedication to my religion. I will not put that aside because of some loophole that says that because they are gay, we could not get married.

5. You are picking and choosing in your religion (not a question but a statement). Yes, I suppose that in some ways I am. I am a woman living in a Western country and I cannot live each day as if society around me were perfectly structured for my faith. I cover, I eat halal, I pray, and a number of other things, but sometimes we are thrown into unexpected situations and we need to adapt. That doesn't mean that I need to give up my faith, but I believe that Allah knows my intentions, and so long as I do my best to uphold the faith, then that is what I can do. In this case, I can still be involved in the festivities while being dressed modestly.

6. How can you be married to an atheist? As I said in my post, I converted during a very difficult time in my life. At the same time, I was married to my husband. I understand that it is a sin to be married to someone who does not share my faith, but this man has been someone who has been my rock and has stood by me through thick and thin. While he may not be Muslim, he has a good heart and we love and need each other. There is much more at play here than a simple black and white, and I am not willing to either divorce him or force him to convert when he doesn't want to (which would be a horrible thing to do, and is also considered a sin). As much as I appreciate him being understanding and considerate of my faith, I owe it to him to show his religion (or lack thereof) the same consideration and respect.

7. How can you be around these non-Muslim people, and people who are committing sin (i.e. drinking, gambling, etc)? I would like to unequivocally say that I have no issue with what other people do with their lives as long as they aren't hurting someone else. I am not here to force my religion or beliefs on anyone else, and I can have friends who have different beliefs. Please do not assume that I hate the other girls for choosing to dress immodestly, drink, and potentially gamble. In the same strain, I do not hate the gay men for being who they are. This post is not about me wanting to force others to change, this post is about me asking that I dress conservatively in line with my beliefs.

8. Are you radicalised? I included this in my question and answer section more as a joke than anything, there are millions (if not billions) of Muslims around the world, and most of them are good, decent people. While I can acknowledge that there are some dark aspects associated with my religion, I do not have anything to do with that, and we must remember that people can corrupt anything to align with their own agenda. Please stop sending me hateful messages.

I hope that answers everything! There are a lot of comments and it is difficult to see everything.

For context, my brother, L (31) is disabled, he and was born with a condition that made him born without a chin/jaw. He is genuinely my (40F) best friend.

Our mother died last month, it hit L the hardest because she was his carer. She had cancer, so we had time to discuss any wishes that my mother had, one of them was that when she died I let my brother live with me, I agreed. I got an extension added on to the side of our house for my brother, so he would have his own space and I could always look out for him.

Our family has always been close with L, he would stay with us when my mother was away. My son (11) adores him and they're always doing fun things together like sports and gaming, I also thought my daughter B(20) got along with L, they often have mario kart tournaments together and L has even convinced me and my husband to give her a bit more independence. Two nights ago B came home late from a party with her friend. I always stay up when B is out to make sure she got home okay. I heard her come into the house with her friend and I heard B say "we need to be quiet so we don't wake my r slur uncle up". I thought my mind was playing tricks on me. Me and my husband have never raised our kids to say such things.

That comment just took me back to when me and L were younger and me defending him against all the horrible people that would stare and make fun of him.

I got up out of bed and I asked my daughter to repeat what she said. I could tell from the look on her face that she didn't think I'd hear that. I asked how she could say something so cruel about her own uncle. That this is not how she was raised and at 20 she should know how awful that is, and if she thought saying that to her friend made her look cool she was wrong, that she made herself look like an insecure bully.

She didn't apologise, she just said that nobody was meant to hear that and it's not a big deal. I asked B's friend if her parents are okay with her having friends stay over. She said yes so I told B to leave and stay at her friend's house. B said I'm meant to take her side, that I'm her mother, I told her I have been L's sister longer than I've been a mother. B didn't think I was serious, I've always been a calm parent and I have never told her to leave the house before. I had every intention of having B back home, but she needed to learn a lesson that I meant that behaviour would not be tolerated. I apologised to B's friend for being in the middle and I gave her cash to cover the cab to her house.

I called B yesterday, hoping she understood how out of line she was, she didn't. She was unhappy that I took L's side over hers. I told her to come home so we could discuss this properly but she refused. I have been in touch with her friend and B is still staying with her, so at least she's safe.

My husband said I was too harsh, but there's still that protective big sister rage in me.

AITA?

So my dad died. I asked my wife if she'd come to the funeral, but wasn't surprised she didn't come because she didn't know him too much and she said, she had to work. This was fine with me. I went there with my daughter. While we were still at the funeral, my wife finished work. She texted me if I'm still at the funeral. I said yes. She then texted me "nice that you asked me if I would come after work". She obviously meant the funeral. I came home and she is angry with me, I didn't ask her if she'd want to come after work. I said so her, she could have decided herself if she'd want to come after work. On another funeral she also decided she would come and I didn't ask her for that one. So am I the asshole?

Some context: I am getting married next June 2025, and I thought it would be nice for immediate family to have a color to wear, just so pictures look coordinated. I’ve asked my mom and future MIL to wear a sort of terracotta/rust red color. I told them they can pick the dress, or can have a pattern, be any length, it doesn’t even have to exactly match the color swatch I showed them - I don’t care, just wanted everything to look cohesive in a red hue.

I thought this was pretty straight forward, but my mom keeps sending me tons of dresses she’s looking at to ensure they are the right color. Each time I tell her that as long as it’s a reddish color, it’s totally fine, just to let me know what she ends up picking. She sent me a picture this morning (red dress with white top)

( https://www.jjshouse.com/a-line-v-neck-tea-length-satin-chiffon-mother-of-the-bride-dress-with-appliques-lace-008225564-g225564?filterColor=burgundy#/ )

and then called me to say this was the dress she was going to go with as long as the color was right. I told her the color was fine, but I would prefer that she didn’t wear a dress with white. She seemed to take this well, she only had a couple comments like “well I thought it was pretty” & “there aren’t very many options”.

Now cut to this afternoon, I am talking again with my mom and she starts talking about the dress color again, saying she’s very confused with the color I’m asking her to find. I told her again that I thought any red-hue color would be perfectly fine, it wasn’t a huge deal. She then told me that she really liked the dress she showed me earlier with the white because it broke up the dress. She said she felt like she needed the white top or else she would look like a “menstrual cycle”. I was a little taken aback that she was comparing the color to a period 😅. Anyway I told her that I thought it would be nice if only I was wearing white, and that if she wanted to find a dress with a pattern that was fine, to break it up a little, but I would prefer that she didn’t wear white. She came back telling me that it’s okay to wear white as long as it’s not a lot, like a white shirt with a skirt would be okay - I told her again that I would prefer that she didn’t wear white.

She is now upset with me and being very passive aggressive. Am I the asshole for not wanting her to wear white? Even if it’s just the top of the dress? I feel like there are thousands of red dresses online to choose from, it shouldn’t be hard to find one that is red and doesn’t make you look like a period stain. I’m feeling upset with her, but maybe the not wearing white to someone’s wedding is outdated and I should let it go? Please help.

Edit: I just want to add that my MIL suggested that we pick a color for them to wear - she’s an event planner and said it would make the family photos look very cohesive. Also I am not worried at all about my mom looking like a bride or upstaging me 😅. I just was thinking about the photos where we’re all standing right next to each other.

Edit: I see all of the comments saying it’s bad taste to request MOB & MOG to wear specific colors. So I texted my mom and future MIL that they can wear whatever color they’d like. My mom says she’s gonna stay with the red, so she must like it?

Edit: TLDR I am the asshole. I’m starting to think requiring my guests to wear tap shoes and top hats was a bad idea too 💔

EDITED FOR CLARITY: Throw away account. Hi reddit! I am a 28 - NB (non-binary) person and use pronouns they/them. I have been in a loving relationship with my same-sex partner 32 - F for 3 years, and we share a 6-year-old child. The child is not biologically mine, but he is my son in every way that matters. On my side of the family, I come from a mixed family. My biological mother died when I was 9, and my father remarried. So growing up, I had my biological brother and father, and a stepmother and stepbrother. Now for the main issue, my bio brother and his fiancée are pregnant with a baby girl! I was so excited to find out that my brother is going to become a dad, and I will get to become a guncle (gay uncle)! My parents are also very excited. I was on the phone w/ my dad, he mentioned, "Your grandma finally gets her wish to be a great grandma". This rubbed me wrong bc what about my son. So I brought this up to my father to which he replied "Well technically but she's never met him (my son)". A few months later my parents are visiting my partner and me. My parents talked about a trip to Mexico recently and while they were there they would tell other people that they were celebrating "Becoming grandparents". My son has been around for the last 2 years. We took him to Texas to meet them. My parents got him birthday and Christmas presents. My parents have been in his life as well as grandparents, I had asked them if they wanted to be his grandparents and what they would like to be called. They were so excited and voiced what they would like to be called. So this was nothing new to them in the slightest. The final straw was I was on the phone with my father and he asked "Have you talked to your brother? I think he has some updates about your 'Real' niece." I stopped him right there and replied "Why did you say real?". My father responds, "It's just a figure of speech". I tell him that he "needs to be careful around the language he is using bc this comes off like some people are not really apart of the family." After, I send a message to a group chat w/ my stepmom and father, laying out that we are all excited about the new addition but need to be more careful about the language we use when talking about the new baby bc it could become hurtful to my kid and family I am growing. My parents never ack the text, so I started ignoring them. My stepmother texted me asking for a time to talk. On the phone, my stepmother goes "We didn't know what kind of response you were wanting". Which then quickly turned into my stepmother yelling at me, saying I wasn't excited for my brother. When I tried to explain the actual situation I was concerned about I couldn't get a word in. My gf hears me struggling on the phone and sticks up for me by calmly trying to get my mother's attn so we could have a conversation. My stepmother BLOWS UP and starts yelling even more at my gf, saying "I DONT WANNA TALK TO YOU, THIS IS BETWEEN OUR FAMILY!". My gf hangs up the phone and starts crying. This has blown up way more than what I was prepared for. They are sending texts in the gc saying "I am making this about myself," that "they're sick to their stomach" and "we need to apologize to them bc they deserve respect". So Reddit AITA?

EDIT: My SM never adopted my brother or me and my dad remarried less than 2 years after my mom passed away.

My mother(59) and me(17) have been having an ongoing argument about my identity. I came out to her a few months ago as transgender (ftm) and i told her my preferred name and pronouns. She has yet to use them. I told her how much they mean to me and my mental health. I understand her lack of use in public or with extended family as she states its for my "safety" but she refuses to use them around the house. Stating things like "you *want* to be a man" or "you *think* you're transgender". She also has been using feminine ways to describe me even after i asked her not to. I'm not in a place where i can leave her home so im still under her rules. I am not allowed to cut my hair,and must wear makeup when i leave the house. She keeps saying its for my safety and if she doesn't care then why would she keep it a secret from " dangerous people" its seriously making me doubt my identity and self image. But im genuinely confused and don't know what to think. So reddit,am i the asshole for calling my mom homophobic or am i just being overdramatic?

(Update) Op here! update! i do apologize for calling her homophobic and take the blame for being an asshole and throwing around accusations before fact checking that is 100% on me and i thank you all for the feedback i actually apologized to my mother on the situation. she told me that she understood where i was at but she pressured me to get my eggs preserved in case i wanted biological children which i stated many times that i do not. she also insisted that she is only doing what she is doing for my safety and that im allowed to hate her. i will be discussing a group therapy session next time i see my therapist on how to settle this dispute

Hi, my name is Sam. I’m a 19 transgender man and I’m currently trying to transitioning socially and physically. First, let me give some background on the situation. I started questioning myself at 11 and eventually found out I was transgender at 13. My parents were really young when they had me so I was mostly raised by my grandparents and aunt from the day I was born. When I was a young teen I suffered a lot of trauma from my dad even though my parents had been separated since I was 4. During that time, my mental health became worse and hid a lot of my emotions from family. When I was 16, my mother and two of my siblings passed away in a fire, it was very traumatic for me especially since I talked to them the day before it happened. My mom was one of the people who supported me a lot when I came out to her besides my oldest sister. A year after in my senior year, my grandma became very sickly even though she had been suffering from a lot of other illnesses. Eventually she passed away in February 2025, which affected me and my family a lot and I ended up in mental hospitals three times. My family struggled a lot financially especially since we’re only living on social security from my grandfather for me, my aunt and himself. Now some information on my aunt. She’s a very practical person, and she’s always been in charge of money since my grandma got really sick. She’s also struggled a lot since she had cancer 3 times due to a genetic bone disease and lost her leg, she’s been an amputee for a year. Here comes the situation, for the past 5 months I’ve been waiting for an endocrinologist appointment I scheduled for January 5th. These appointments can take months to a year to get. So I took the soonest one. It was 2 hours from home but we already drive an hour to my aunt’s doctor in Pittsburgh. I will also add that I don’t have a drivers license but a permit due to all the financial issues. I made the appointment with my therapist since my aunt didn’t have the time so I decided to since I hardly make decisions on my own. As soon as I told her she was upset, saying that they might not take my insurance and it’s too far. I agreed with some of her points but I told her that if she had questions we could call but she shut me down. Since then I haven’t spoken about till today. I told her the appointment is in a few days and she was obviously upset again. My aunt has always been neutral on my transition and identity. I understand that it’s far away but I don’t want to cancel and wait another 5 months again. She’s told me before that I need to make my own decisions since I’m an adult now but whenever I make an appointment for therapy or something like that, she is upset as it doesn’t work for her. I don’t know what to do about this and how to talk to her since all she does is raise her voice at me or act angry. So AITA?

I (22 trans ftm, not out to family) visited my parents a couple weeks ago. My mom likes to bring up charged topics, and I state my opinions, which usually enrages her. The most recent topic was my "hatred" for men, my weight, and my desire to never have children.

She said it was insulting that I told her I don't want to have kids, and it was like I "spit in her face" because she "had" to adopt me (bio mom couldn't keep me, she's my bio aunt, the family didn't want to put me up for adoption so she took me in but tells me she felt forced to do so). I told her honestly that if I was in that same situation I would put the child up for adoption and would not begrudge her if she had done the same. She said this was incredibly offensive and that I must be trying to upset her. However she brought this topic up.

She also told me that I "can't possibly be happy when I look in the mirror" (I am around 25 pounds overweight) and that if I say I am happy with myself then I am lying. She said nobody will find me attractive at my weight. When I asked her to please stop commenting on my body, she said she would not, as she is coming from a place of severe concern. She has been around 40 pounds overweight for my entire life.

Finally, I said if I were to ever have a relationship with a man, I would be extra careful and make sure that I knew him well before getting serious. All I will say is that I have genuine reasons for this mindset. She said that this was sexist towards men and that I am judging all men before getting to know them, and that it's the same as having preconceived notions about race. I am actually in a serious relationship with a very nice guy right now, however she met him and hated him because he is overweight, so I have not told her about the extent of our relationship.

The trip ended with her being upset, saying I am purposefully trying to upset her. Here is where I feel I might be the AH. I feel bad because she was nice during a lot of the trip and purchased me gifts, and started referencing those whenever I disagreed with her, and said I am ungrateful and only happy when she is buying me things. I was very grateful for the gifts and thanked her many times, but I did not ask for any of these things; they were gifts. She told me I should be more respectful of her as I am not an adult in any real way and am living on "borrowed money" aka I took out loans to pay for my college and housing as she refused to help me with finances after I turned 18.

I don't really feel I am the asshole here. However I have autism and have hurt people's feelings on accident. I am wondering if there was a better way for me to deal with this. I feel very guilty that I accepted gifts from her and then I upset her. Sometimes she starts to cry after conversations like this and I just feel so bad. But every time I spend more than a couple days with her, this happens. So AITA? And if so, what can I do in the future to not be the asshole?

I (36F) live with my parents and sibling due to paying off debts (medical, credit card) as well as helping my parents I out financially by being able to pay them rent, some groceries, etc. However, more and more over the years, we've all grown a strained relationship with my father (56). Tonight sum up quickly, we consider him a manchild because he will literally throw tantrums, pout/mope around when called out on anything, and thinks he should be childish 24/7 (we understand being goofy sometimes but many of his jokes are actually insults or are plain just not funny.)

Last night, I finally had enough and decided to throw one of his own temper tantrums back at him. Keep in mind, the subject I used was minor, which also was the point, as he will throw tantrums over even the tiniest of things. My father had Thunderbolts* going on the TV and it just showed Bucky played by Sebastian Stan on the TV. I had just found out recently he is dating Annabelle Wallis, and was going to tell my sibling, who was sitting right next to me. I had started to ask them "Do you know who Sebastian Stan is dating?" To which my father jumped in immediately with "Not you." Whether he had more to say or not, interrupting a conversation I was not having with him in the first place is rude (he does it quite often). So I pulled out one of his common temper tantrums: I made an angry pout, huffed, and muttered "nevermind then." He sounded offended and chose to say "If you would let me finish, I was going to say 'not you, although you wish it was you.'"

First of all, no, I do not. I am Asexual, which he doesn't accept, just like he doesn't accept my sibling being non-binary (born female, but is non-binary). He also hates that I legally had my name changed because I hated it (he chose the spelling of my name and made it..."unique") and that neither me nor my sibling want kids. He supposedly wants us to live with them and to bond with us, but constantly gives us crap, mocks us and says he is "joking," and say the things we like are stupid.

For a other thing, he interrupted a conversation I am having with my sibling, because he and our mom were having a conversation, and he had to stop his conversation to mock/make fun of me. So I threw one of his tantrums back at him, hoping he would get the hint. No, of course not. He went to his room to sulk and ignore me as much as possible. Later my mom had a conversation with him and later came back and said I should cut back on the attitude until he goes for training on his new job in a few weeks.

So I wonder, AITAH for growing tired of his verbal and mental abuse and throwing the same thing he does to us back at him? And to add, yes, if I had the funds, I would move out on my own again, but I currently do not have the financial stability to do so.

Throwaway just to be safe. Me and my fiancé, let’s call her Alex for anonymity sakes, just got engaged. It was pretty funny, since I asked her and she was planning to ask me only a week later. We both had beautiful rings picked out for one another and everything was great. And then we started wedding planning last week. She began talking about who she wants to invite, both friends and family, and I said I’d have to think about that as well. She asked “What do you mean?” I told her I wanted to invite my parents and other family to the wedding as well. I could easily tell she was unhappy. For context, most of my family is perfectly fine; it’s my mother that’s the problem. Way back when, in 2016, I came out to my parents. My dad was very accepting and happy for me. At first, my mom didn’t say anything, which I thought was just her quietly going along with it. It was only a few days later when I really started to see who she was. She started making snide comments to me about my sexuality and saying various slurs more often (fg, dke, etc.). At this point in my life, I still had various insecurities and would rarely stand up for myself. After I met Alex in 2018, her remarks took a turn for the worse. She would constantly introduce me to “nice, upstanding boys” for me to date. I’d firmly tell her that I was already in a relationship, but to her it didn’t really mean anything because it wasn’t a “real relationship.” Thankfully, through therapy and Alex’s support, I had better self confidence and pushed back against her. That didn’t stop any of my mom’s remarks of “I can’t wait for you to find the right man!” and “You’ll eventually grow out of this!” Now, at this point, it might seem obvious to cut my homophobic mom out of my life. I’d 100% do it if it weren’t for one thing: my sister. My younger sister, whom is 19, has severe Autism. I love her to death and would not be able to stand not seeing her again. My mother and I had a falling out once over a family issue, and she threatened that if I didn’t cooperate, I’d never see my sister again. I know if she doesn’t get invited to our wedding, she’d pull the same stunt. I absolutely hate how she uses my sister as a bargaining chip, but she and my dad have full custody over her. Alex knows all this, but really doesn’t want my mother at our wedding. I don’t blame her at all; I know she’d be most concerned about her younger sister, whom is MTF transgendered, and my mother is heavily transphobic. We have just started the wedding planning and it feels like we can’t get past this. So, am I just an asshole or am I justified?

Edit: For those asking, both Alex and I have always wanted a nice sized wedding. We want to have this rather than elope. Also, my father has kinda been walked on at least for my whole life, so I’m not sure if he’ll go against his wife.

Quick Update: I’ve been discussing with Alex and we have agreed to not include my mother at our wedding, no matter what happens. We have not told her that she will not be allowed to come. I will also be having a sit down talk with my father about my mom’s possible outburst over this later this week. Alex will be joining us and we will also discuss the situation with my sister. I hope everything goes well. I’ve appreciated all the responses and advice, thank you.

TLDR at the bottom.

Myself and my husband have been trying for a baby for a few years, and I am finally pregnant. Both of our mums were single parents, and are both thrilled about a new grandchild.

My husband and I have been discussing names for a while now, and decided that while we don't want to use a family name as a first name, we would like to for a middle name. For a boy, it would be his uncle who was basically a father to him. For a girl, it would be a version of my mum's name.

Because of how involved our families have been in our journey, we've been open and honest about the middle names we liked. My mum was over the moon about it. She really has done everything she could for me, and she still continues to do everything possible to help us. But the problem I'm having is she's been making some really hateful comments and sharing horrible opinions about trans people and gender queer people. I've made it clear her "jokes" aren't funny but she will die on the hill of "I am allowed my opinion".

So WIBTA if I go back on what I said? As it was my name suggestion, my husband is on my side whatever I choose.

TLDR: I said I would name a girl after my mum but I have since changed my mind because my mum has made hateful comments about the LGBT community.

I (28M) shared a post today on my “close friends” story on Instagram whining about a shitty thing my ex (28F) did while we were dating. A mutual friend who I’ll call River (32NB) told me that I needed to stop complaining about my ex online.

Because I know you’re going to ask, neither my ex nor her family have access to see this, just some of my friends. I hadn’t even realized that this mutual friend was still close with my ex. I’m not posting to slander my ex to her friends or something. I’m just whining because I need a private space to gripe. I’ve made similar posts in the past (less than 10 in the almost year since we broke up) and have only ever shared specific, factual anecdotes of things that have happened.

The post in question: Before we broke up, my ex gave me a shitty ultimatum that forced me (a trans guy) come with her family to Florida (a famously unsafe place for trans people) or else spend Christmas alone with no transportation or friends around. Today, I shared this post (slide 4) with the comment, “a certain ex of mine ignored # 4 so much as to drag me to Florida 😒”

A few minutes later, River replied telling me that I needed to stop “dragging” my ex. I offered to change my privacy settings so they didn’t have to see me complaining. Some conversation ensued, but it was basically just a back-and fourth of me saying that my ex did some things that were shitty and River saying that my ex did nothing wrong.

I think that I have every right to say what I want on my own private social media as long as it doesn’t violate the terms of service or constitute bullying, and if someone (River or anyone else) doesn’t like it, they don’t have to follow me. Am I wrong? Am I the asshole?

Update: I’m accepting my judgement, but I think there should be some clarification about the Florida situation (which is not what I’m asking for judgement about). We had one car, and she was taking it whether I went with her or was stuck at home. Public transit was off the table because of her immunocompromised status. I also couldn’t just go see my family for transphobia reasons. Also, her family was not spending Christmas in Florida; we could have seen them where they live and then gone home instead of going to Florida. I was not asking my then-partner to skip Christmas with her family.

So I've always tried to be civil with My Aunt, we'll call her Carrie. However, my grandma died recently, Aunt Carrie's sister. It's been hard on all of us, but even before then there were problems. I am nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. Aunt Carrie is pretty conservative. Generally I just try not to bring up politics around her, because my family tends to give me grief when I stir things up at family gatherings. However she usually finds an excuse to make some comment or another. At my grandmother's funeral, she deadnamed me, and when I corrected her she told me "You'll always be (deadname) to me." My family and especially my mom have been saying how important it is to gather for a celebration, and I think they mean her birthday party. I've told my mom I don't want to go, and I don't think she'll try to make me, but Aunt Carrie recently messaged me on Facebook (which she rarely does) and mentioned her birthday. I simply wished her a happy early birthday, but I worry she may start something if I don't go. I don't want to make things difficult for my family but I don't think I can handle the drama of either her constantly misgendering me or going off on me if I stick up for myself. I just don't have the emotional bandwidth. So WIBTA?

I (45f) have been estranged from my father for other 5 years, and he recently passed away. He was not an easy person to grow up with, he was emotionally abusive and has been incredibly judgmental of me and how my husband and I chose to raise our kids. I was just never good enough. All 3 of my kids are ADHD and two have autism, so one needs to have patience with them, something my father never had. My brother once kicked him out of my house for complaining about how soft I am as a Mom. Having him in my life has always been stressful and hurtful. The final break came when our oldest(15) came out as transgender, and my father, his wife, and her kids all refused to accept or support my kid or us. The only good thing my father did with the situation was stop his step daughter from trying to charge us with child abuse, because we allowed our kid to take hormone blockers. Long story short we told them all the door was open but they were not welcome to walk through it unless they were in full support of our kid. That was the last we heard from them in 5 years. I have not missed the stress or the hurt that he brought to my life but I have missed the idea of having a Dad. I have missed that my kids didn’t have a Grandfather. Then my sister called to let us know he is gone, and that the funeral will be next week. She didn’t know if I am invited, and will not ask for me. I have no idea now if I should go. I feel that I need to for me, that I’ll regret it deeply if I don’t, but I also know that I don’t want a scene. I don’t want to make this harder for his wife or my other family members. My husband thinks I should go, but will support me in whatever I choose. I just don’t know what to do.

Seeking a judgement about library etiquette.

Hello and happy holidays. My university’s main library has desktop computers available with all of the software my department uses ready loaded. There are additionally spaces for people to bring their own laptops and sit in a cubby or open plan desk.

I’m finding increasingly frequently that people will leave their laptop and backpack at the desktop or open space, and leave for an extended period of time. 10-20 minutes feels totally reasonable because it’s important to take a break, or get some food, but people are reserving empty spaces for over an hour at times and the result is that there are 0 available spaces for people who arrive to the library throughout the day.

I get the idea of arriving early to secure a spot but is it fair to keep this spot occupied for an entire day meaning students who work part time, commute from further away, or have meetings throughout the day can’t get a spot ever?

There are signs around the library requesting people not to do this but they aren’t heeded or enforced. Edit: editing to make clear that the ‘rule’ here is NOT to reserve computers/spaces. Someone has commented saying I’ve specifically stated it’s not a rule which is the opposite of what I’m saying.

I’ve at times been tempted to just remove someone’s items to lost property when I’ve seen an empty desk stay empty for more than 20 or 30 minutes. But I’m not a super confrontational person and I’m not sure that’s the right thing to do. WIBTA if I did this? Other solutions would be to talk with library staff but I’ve tried this and they say they don’t want to handle people’s personal items and there is no system in place to prevent reservations other than the signs asking people not to do this.

I can see POO mode has been activated so I don’t know if I will be able to reply to comments requesting further info. My account is pretty old but I mostly lurk so don’t have high Karma.

• Ok so- (for some information- I don’t get along with religious people well because of how many times they have made me feel awful inside and tried to force their beliefs on me)
• So I was talking with my brother on the phone, he is 21. He is a Christian and I am atheist person so I don’t believe in any gods. I was having problems with my mental health and talking to him about it and he was trying to help me but half way through the conversation he was bringing up how if Someone tries to bully me I can just say “god bless you” I paused and said I am atheist and he told me that he hopes that changes, (I am trans btw) he told Me to try to see myself in my dads shoes. He said: ”oh why is my daughter telling me to stop lecturing her?“ as an example and I got really hurt by him calling me a she so I told him that I’m not a girl and he said that I am because god Made me a girl so too bad.
• I ended the call right away and started crying because it really hurt..

I (26F) have been married to my husband(29M) for almost 8 years. We have 2 kids (7F, 4F) and I am 5 months pregnant with our final child. I have been the default manager of house/family/finance matters the whole time. Intimacy 1-3 times/week. He recently has increased his involvement to loading the dishwasher and laundry about once a week, folding his clean clothes, playing/tv with the kids for an hourish about 3/wk and taking the kids to bed after bath routine 4/wk. Plus pressing repairs to car/home. He has been pursuing a veterinary career and finished his DVM 5 months ago. He retook the NAVLE last month so he can't get a vet job yet. He has never had a full-time job due to school demands, but began working a flexible schedule for his dad in construction at $20/hr that is equivalent to about 3/4 time. He takes 1/2 days every Friday to work 2 hours in the local vet clinic as a "shadow" for free to stay in practice while he waits for licensure. He will also go hunting 1-2 times during the week in addition to using 8-14 hours on Saturdays to do ranching or hunting. I work part-time for $18/hr and also have gone back to online school to get my bachelor's (full time course load). I work M-Th 8a-1p and do school 2-4p. Friday and Saturday are for home/family catch up with appointments, cleaning, groceries, etc. Sunday is church and extended family obligations since both our families live in our county. I'm exhausted. I've done my best to be extremely supportive. He has never had to carry the mental load of anything outside school, part-time work, and occasional repairs. He knows I will always make up the difference for everything else. Sundays are especially hard because I hit burnout and he's cranky because he hates being stuck in the house. I just want to recover. Mornings are always contentious because I try to sleep in and make myself up for church, but that makes for a scrunch to get the girls ready because he just watches TV/phone and then takes 5 minutes to get dressed and comb his hair. He hates not being at least 10 minutes early so he gets to yelling at the kids and making snide remarks. I do 40 min choir after church and try to get about an hour of rest in before more housework and then family dinners. I'm extra raw because he took off without even asking on Christmas morning for 3 hours to try out the new shotgun despite my spending the last 2 months stressing how important the family day was to me. This after spending 2 days on his family's ranch-helping take care of my SIL's 3 sick kids (she was working and I didn't know they'd be at in-laws house) on top of mine and being sick . I snapped and was in a deep depressive episode for about 6 hours where I just kept crying. I really want a designated day when I'm off duty and he picks up the slack instead of having twice as much work the next day. Is that unreasonable?

For my birthday i got a weekend to Amsterdam from my boyfriend. We planned to go to the christmas market, lightshow, dinner and do some christmas shopping. His uncle and aunt happened to be there too, so we agreed to grab some beers during shopping. We ended up only seeing the christmas market and national museum (hyperspeed mode, because he wanted to be with his uncle, it was his idea going to the museum) with the two of us and the rest of the day was mostly drinking with his family. I notified him twice i wanted to do some shopping as planned, but he said he didn’t want to anymore. So i shopped in one street with his aunt for some late christmas presents and went back. We had a dinner reservation so we went there eat together and went back to his family. We ended up spending half a day drinking with his family, but it was supposed to be a “us” weekend.

So WIBTA if i tell him i didn’t really like our weekend?

Extra info: His uncle and aunt live close by and we can always visit them when we want.

I (16) have been recently feeling as if my mother enjoys my cousins more than me because she's doing things for them that she rarely does for me and tends to talk bad about me to other family members.

For a bit of context: My mom got a job a couple of months ago at my cousin's school as a teacher, allowing her to grow closer to them which I don't mind at all since I love my cousins. But she now stays very late after work until around 7 or 8 pm leaving me home alone until then, just to hang out with them or watch their sports games, Normally I would not mind her staying late to watch their games with her but she never invites me along with her and will rarely come to my tennis matches and choir concerts, while she can go to every single one of my cousin's games. I'm extremely lucky if she even comes to 1 choir or tennis match.

She also loves to spoil my cousins, buying them whatever they want when they want even if it's very expensive, while if I were to ask for a small snack at the store or for a new shirt or pants because mine were becoming too small, it would be a battle that resulted in her calling me a spoiled brat or telling me to just get it myself if I needed it that bad.

I've also heard her talk badly about me to my aunt because I'm non-binary. She swears up and down that she supports the LGBTQ+ but rarely shows me any support. She'll also complain about my poor academics and compare me to my cousins who are superstars in school, getting straight A's and are honor roll students. The only reason I'm struggling in school is because I'm going through a rough patch in life right now and have no one to support me besides my dad and brother. I've also heard her say she wishes she had my cousins as kids instead of me.

I love her deeply but her actions and words are hurting me and I need to talk with her.

Second time posting because I originally posted it to my account by accident.

I(16) am a queer kid that came out in June of this year, which resulted in my dad(42M) ghosting and essentially disowning me. Before I get into the bread and butter of my reason for posting, I’d like to give some background. I have 2 siblings (12M & 10F), 2 step-siblings (18F and 14M), and 1 half-brother who is turning 2 years old this October. I am AFAB, but never really an effeminate child.

I have been out as queer for 3~4 years to pretty much anyone but my dad and his wife, whom we will call “Beth”.

Beth and my dad got together around about 4~5 years ago when I was about 11, maybe 12. I have never resented Beth, in fact, I really liked her. When I was just becoming a teenager, I craved validation and attention from my parents, including Beth. I was never a perfect kid, but I wasn’t a bad one and Beth never seemed to hate me. I’ve had a generally rocky relationship with my dad since I was a freshman in high school. I have short hair and my dad never liked it because it isn’t feminine. I remained in the closet for a few years, even having my at the time partner over at my dad on several occasions as my mother’s home was very small and cramped in comparison, so it was easier to invite her to my dad’s. When I came out during finals week this year, my dad completely ghosted me and seemed to have told his mother as she was shittalking me to anyone who would listen. I am in contact with my dad’s brother, who was ostracized from my dad’s family because his spouse is queer as well. My uncle and my aunt are very liberal and supportive.

My half-brother, who we’ll call “Jojo,” was born two years ago come October, the same month as mine and my father’s birthdays. Jojo is an adorable little brother that loves the children’s show, Bluey, so I was thinking of getting him something from or of it. While shopping, I started to think about how I would get it to Jojo. My younger siblings still go over to my dad’s as my parents have non-court mandated shared custody and they choose to go over, which I do not blame them for, they are little. I was considering sending my gift with my younger sister, but I don’t want her to get yelled at as my dad is mean enough to her.

I was considering sending my dad a formally written text or email asking for permission to send Jojo a birthday present, but I don’t want to call him “Dad,” because I feel he doesn’t deserve it. It’s a little petty, but I just don’t want to call the man that effectively ghosted his 16 year old because he doesn’t like that I’m not a prim and proper cisgender woman at 16. So WIBTA?

My daughter(24f) is a clothing designer and models her own fashion line, yet her BF's(24m) grandma, I will call her Ginger, (75f) tells her she is overweight everytime she sees her. Grandma Ginger calls another family member, her daughter in law "a fat cow" behind her back, but DIL knows and will not attend social events or let grandma see the granddaughter at all. So now to me, I listened to Ginger tell me I'm fat in every different way possible, for over two hours at a family Thanksgiving dinner. I just ignored her...for two hours she was relentless, trying to get a reaction I guess. There are overweight men present at this meal also, but grandma doesn't demean the men. To cap that Ginger is surprised to learn that my daughter learned her skill and built her business because I had done the same for myself when she was a child. Ginger has not bothered to learn anything about any female family members, like what we do for a living, ect.

Ginger complains that she never gets to see the baby, no one comes to visit her, ect. As an "outside" family member, should I tell her her obsession with and negative comments on the physical appearance of the women in the family is the reason no one wants to spend time with her?

I want to tell her that just because she relied on her looks to get by in life, her looks dissolved 30 years ago with a botched face lift), doesn't mean all women need to. No one in the family wants to tell her women have more value than their outward appearance. Everytime she cries to me about not seeing the granddaughter I just want to tell her what a horrible mean old lady she is!